Jeni Hill

USA

mikejenihill@netzero.net   

Awaken

I awaken to the gentle rustle on the baby monitor,
alerting me of Emily's wakefulness,
and I manage to somehow climb out of bed,
bleary-eyed and all thumbs,
fumbling into the nursery,
where I am greeted by her prettiest smile of the day,
a rush of love and excitement from her gummy grin,
and my heart wakes up the rest of my body,
so I am able to function as a mother,
lifting her up and placing her on the changing table,
winding up her musical bunny to accompany us,
putting her in a fresh diaper and locating a bib,
we then head into the kitchen to prepare a bottle,
strolling through the quiet house,
waiting for the bottle to warm,
looking at all the pictures and figurines in the living room,
watching the cats challenge each other,
until it is time to eat and there is almost no sound,
except for the rhythmic suckling and occasional gurgle,
and then I lay her up against my shoulder,
coaxing her to give me a little burp,
before we go back into the kitchen,
and prepare a taste of rice cereal and juice,
which mostly goes on her bib and hands and hardly in her tummy,
but we have fun anyway as we scrape it off the high chair,
and wash Emily's hands and face free of goo,
getting ready for our playtime on her floor blanket,
sometimes we play peek-a-boo and other times we tickle,
and when she laughs it is impossible not to smile,
and then she starts to get sleepy for her morning nap,
and I slip her pacifier into her yawning mouth,
and kiss her as I cover her with a light blanket,
wondering if there is a better way to awaken
in the quiet morning.

My Friend Died Today

My friend died today.
I sat on the bed, listening to the phone,
waiting for good news but receiving none.
I saw her standing in the choir room,
teaching our lit class how to line dance,
I was such a clumsy clown.couldn't dance at all.
She was wearing a white shirt and blue jeans,
her hair was curly in a pony tail.
I always envied her perfect hair,
it could be straight or curly, long or short,
it always looked just right.
Mine never did that.
My friend died today.
She fought hard to win the scavenger hunt.
She backed up every item she found on the smoky campground,
telling outrageous stories for her evidence,
even had a total stranger draw the King on the back of a match book,
so her team could have an Elvis match book.
She was always resourceful like that.
I always wished I could be as clever.
I never seemed to be like that.
My friend died today.
I watched her have a shouting match in lit with Mrs. Siemens.
Our papers were not back yet, we had waited nearly a month,
but only she was brave enough to confront the teacher.
How she paid for her courage!
But she didn't back down,
they both were in tears by the end of the period,
and our papers were in by the end of that week.
I wanted to be brave like that,
to be the leader of the class,
to be the rock to lean against.
I just didn't have it in me, I guess.
My friend died today.
I think I will make a roast beef sandwich in the kitchen.
I walked into the dark room without turning on the lights.
The glow of the refrigerator showed me
there was only one slice of bread.
I closed the refrigerator and sat cold in the darkness,
and let the hunger devour me in its screaming emptiness.
I didn't have the perfect hair.
I wasn't clever like that.
I didn't have the courage in me

© Copyright, 2000, Jenni Hill.
All Rights Reserved. Printed By Permission.